Posting has been quite sparse lately. I am a little frantic with thesis writing. First draft needs to be delivered to my committee no later than June 1st. And of course I'm still gathering and analyzing data up to the very last second. But I think a post is due.
So, last week I had my monthly OB/GYN appointment. Everyone had been asking me if I could feel the baby, and I was sort of feeling bad about not being able to feel anything. The OB asked me the same thing, and I guiltily admitted that I couldn't feel anything no matter how still I laid or how hard I concentrated. She didn't seem to think this was weird, but I was starting to get weird thoughts that maybe something was wrong. When she was checking the baby's heart beat, it was taking a bit longer than usual, and my brain just started going nuts. After about 2 minutes I had the following sequence of thoughts, "oh, she can't find the baby. Where did it go?" "Is the baby OK? what if it has spina bifida?" "What would I do if I had to tell everyone I wasn't pregnant anymore?" "Did I kill the baby because I still have coffee every now and then?" "What if it developed into a twitching mass of inverted spinal column????" At this point I blurted out, "IS THE BABY DEAD?!!".
Interestingly, this hardly phased the OB... apparently she's used to crazy pregnant people asking similarly psychotic questions. "Oh no, honey, you're certainly still pregnant." She found the heartbeat a few seconds later and everything sounded normal and good. She even pointed out some little intermittent clicking sounds on the sonogram from the baby moving its arms and legs. I guess it just took a little longer to find it because the baby is floating all around in there, and it's still pretty little. Either way, right on target the next day I swore I could feel some little bumpies right under my belly button. So I laid on the couch really still and figured out that they were definetly the fluttery little kicks that people had described to me. So, I know I should be really happy and excited, but I was mostly just relieved that the baby was OK and kicking like normal! I know. f'ing crazy.
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ReplyDeleteYou are not f'ing crazy- you are so cute! Also according to the little thing on your blog, your baby is the size of a papaya so fear not, he or she is still so itty bitty! Miss you:)
ReplyDeleteAw I'm so happy for you! I don't really know how big a papaya is but it sounds pretty small. All these fruit metaphors get even weirder when you start talking about kicking and things like that; I just keep imagining a little papaya with like doll legs and a pacifier just kicking away... I find it funny that the same woman talking about how the fears about alcohol are completely unfounded had a minor freak out about coffee haha.Just take a few breaths and everything will be fine love you, Ariel
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling happy at the first kicks and seeing a great video of a baby doing somersaults, swimming and playing in the miniature ocean. I found if I played music on my belly it seemed the baby would dance, too. Keep talking to him/her and please mention me, too. I wish we lived closer.Do you know if it is a him or her? I have the 27th as the date in mind for your OB/Gyn. Is that the sonogram date?
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